Freeze & Fawn: The Hidden Trauma Responses
Have you ever found yourself frozen in place during a tense conversation, unable to speak or move? Or perhaps you’ve noticed a pattern of relentlessly trying to please others, even at your own expense, just to keep the peace. These aren't character flaws; they are deeply ingrained survival responses. While most of us have heard of fight or flight, the lesser-known freeze and fawn responses play a crucial role in how we navigate threats, both real and perceived.
When our nervous system senses danger, it takes over. For many, this can look like disappearing into oneself or becoming whatever someone else needs them to be. These reactions are not conscious choices but powerful, automatic survival strategies that the body deploys to protect us.
Understanding the freeze and fawn responses is essential, not just for trauma survivors, but for anyone seeking to understand their own patterns and build healthier relationships. Recognising these hidden survival modes is the first step toward reclaiming your sense of self, rebuilding trust in your body, and moving forward with clarity and peace.
Understanding the Freeze Response
The freeze response is often described as a state of shutdown. When a threat feels inescapable, with no option to fight or flee, the body can immobilise itself. This isn't just about feeling scared; it's a profound physiological state where the body prepares for the worst by becoming still and numb.
Physiologically, the freeze response is a state of high alert and shutdown happening at the same time. The sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight) and the parasympathetic nervous system (rest/digest) are both highly activated, essentially putting one foot on the accelerator and the other on the brake. This can lead to a feeling of being 'stuck' or disconnected from your body and emotions. You might feel rigid, cold, or unable to move or speak.
In daily life, this can manifest as 'spacing out' during a stressful meeting, feeling paralysed when confronted, or simply being unable to respond in an overwhelming situation. It's the body's way of playing dead, a primal instinct to minimise harm when escape seems impossible. As trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score, trauma is not just a memory but a physical imprint. The body holds onto these physiological responses, such as freezing. For example, he describes a veteran who was triggered into a flashback by the smell of diesel fuel. This sensory cue activated his survival instincts, bypassing his rational brain entirely.
Exploring the Fawn Response
The fawn response is the instinct to appease a threat by being helpful and compliant. It's a strategy of people-pleasing to de-escalate conflict and ensure safety. This response is often developed in childhood in response to caregivers who were unpredictable or frightening. A child learns that by being 'good,' quiet, and meeting the needs of others, they can avoid punishment or neglect.
This pattern can manifest in adulthood as:
Difficulty saying no.
Constantly apologising, even when you've done nothing wrong.
Feeling responsible for other people's emotions.
Prioritising others' needs above your own, often to your own detriment.
While it's a clever survival strategy, living in a constant state of fawning has a significant long-term psychological impact. It erodes your sense of self, disconnects you from your own needs, and can lead to burnout, resentment, and a feeling of being inauthentic. Dr. Gabor Maté suggests that trauma disconnects us from our authentic selves. In his work, he describes patients who developed autoimmune diseases after years of suppressing their own emotions to meet others' expectations. By addressing their trauma and reclaiming their true feelings, they began to heal both emotionally and physically.
Trauma's Lasting Impact on the Body
Trauma isn't just an event that happened in the past; it's a lasting imprint on the body's nervous system. Experts like Peter Levine, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, and Dr. Gabor Maté have shown that unresolved trauma stays stored in the body, influencing our behaviour, health, and how we experience the world.
Peter Levine's work on Somatic Experiencing highlights that trauma occurs when the body's natural survival responses (fight, flight, or freeze) are interrupted. For healing to occur, these responses must be completed in a safe environment. Levine shares a case study of a car accident survivor who suffered from chronic anxiety. By guiding her to physically "shake off" the suppressed freeze response, she found relief from her symptoms. The physical release was the key to completing the survival cycle.
Similarly, Dr. Gabor Maté views addiction not as a moral failing but as a coping mechanism for the pain of unresolved trauma. He tells the story of a woman addicted to heroin who described the drug as a "warm hug," illustrating how substances can temporarily fill the void left by early trauma and unmet emotional needs. The body seeks relief from the inner turmoil that the mind can't process.
These expert insights reveal a fundamental truth: the body remembers what the mind might try to forget. Healing, therefore, must involve the body.
Practical Steps Toward Healing
Recognising the freeze and fawn responses in yourself is a courageous first step. Healing is not about erasing the past but about learning to live peacefully in the present. It involves teaching your nervous system that you are safe now.
Here are some gentle, practical steps you can take to begin this journey:
Recognise Your Responses: The next time you feel stuck or find yourself automatically agreeing with someone, pause. Notice the sensations in your body without judgment. Is your chest tight? Are your muscles tense? Simply observing is a powerful act of self-awareness.
Practice Self-Compassion: These responses helped you survive. Thank your body for protecting you. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend who is struggling. Remind yourself, "I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become."
Regulate Your Nervous System: Small, consistent actions can teach your body to feel safe. Deep, slow breathing can calm a racing heart. Gentle movements, like stretching or walking, can help you reconnect with your body. Place a hand on your heart and feel your own presence. These simple acts of self-regulation can make a profound difference over time.
Seek Professional Support: You don't have to walk this path alone. A trauma-informed therapist or coach can provide a safe space to explore these patterns and guide you toward completing survival responses. Healing often flourishes within safe, supportive relationships.
Find Your Path to Clarity
Understanding the freeze and fawn responses allows you to see yourself not as broken, but as a resilient survivor. These patterns are not your identity; they are adaptations your nervous system made to keep you safe in an unsafe world. By learning to recognise them, you can begin to clear the noise, find your voice, and reclaim your peace.
Your body holds deep wisdom. By listening to it with compassion and curiosity, you can start to heal the wounds of the past and step into a life of greater authenticity and strength.
If you are ready to move beyond these survival patterns and cultivate a deeper sense of self-trust, I invite you to book a Clarity Call. Together, we can explore how to support your nervous system and empower you to live with the clarity and confidence you deserve.
